Don’t ask me why.
I don’t feel good.
That’s why.
Like, my insides feel heavy and hard.
And my bones feel like jelly.
And my throat feels swollen with air.
And my lungs feel like crumpled paper.
And my breath is musty and slow
and shallow and muddled and diluted
like dirty, muddy water.
You know that kind of musty smell?
More of a feeling, rather.
How its kind of heavy and wet?
Like an old fur jacket.
Yeah, exactly like that.
It doesn’t smell bad, but it doesn’t smell fresh either.
Like a withered rose.
It’s not my breath, it’s the breathing itself.
Like, I can feel it more than taste or smell it.
You know?
That kind.
The kind you feel deep in the hollows of your chest,
you feel the breath in your mouth without actually feeling it.
Like the heat is trapped.
Right in the center of your chest.
Mhmm, exactly like that.